Jake's Chicken
by DegrassiLover224
Summary: Clare though Jake was perfect, until she found something she wish she hadn't
1. Jakes Chicken

**(Clares POV)**

Today, I have to meet Jake. I always hated him, he was such a dickhead.

I heard someone knock on our door. I opened it and saw Jake.

Great, I think to myself. Just great. I sigh and say hello.

"Hey, is your mother here?" Jakes father bursts out.

"Yes, she's in the kitchen"

I looked at Jake…

He was so different.. so… sexy. Wait no, I hate him. I can't be into him. Calm your vagina Clare.

"Hey…" Jake says smiling at me.

"..Hi" I smile.

He walks in. I'm literally fainting.

"You okay?" he asks me.

"Yeah, I'm uh, great."

"Nice"

Ever since that breakup, I've been sad and angry. Jakes smile melted me too.

Tonight at dinner, we ate chicken for dinner. Jake was REALLY enjoying it.

He ripped the skin off the chicken and swallowed it whole, the bone and everything.

"You sure like chicken, don't you Jake?"

I said. "Mhmm" He said with his mouth full while he grabbed another piece of chicken.

"Jake, why don't you and Clare uh, go for a walk?" My mom suggested. "Uhh...okay," I replied awkwardly.

Jake got up from the counter and put on his jacket. Right when we were about to leave he went over to the bowl of chicken and he grabbed 6 more fried chicken legs, shoving them in his pockets and down his shirt. I grabbed his hand as we walked out the door. Jake pulled out a piece of chicken from his pocket and began eating it. I just looked straight and kept walking.

"So uh, how've you been?" I asked him shyly. "Great, how bout you?" He said. Oh my god, he just asked me how I've been. He is such a sex muffin, can I just rip his clothes off right now? Snap out of it Clare!

"Uh, I've been pretty chill, you know school is keeping me busy and stuff."

"Yupp, school tends to be something to keep you busy."

"Yeah..." I said. I couldn't take it anymore. My hormones were raging and Jake was too gorgeous not to have my hands on him. Fuck Eli, I want me some Jakey. I ripped the chicken from his hands and jumped on him, making him fall over in the street. I licked the chicken fat off his lips and darted my tongue in his mouth. I began to make out with him intensley as cars passed by, staring at us, but I didn't care. I felt something poke me and had hope that I may have given him a boner, but it turns out if was just a piece of fried chicken. That stopped me from kissing him and I looked deeply into his eyes. We both stared at each other until are lips met once more, but this time the kiss was sincere, and sweet. I pulled away and looked at him once more. "That was...wow," I said. "You got that right."

One week later~

Jake and I had been dating for a week but I had the feeling that he may be seeing someone else already. Am I that boring? I mean, I always knew he had a thing for fried chicken, but it's not like... what am I thinking? What kind of dipshit thrusts with chicken? Wow, I am one sick fuck thinking about that. I mean...how would you even... Whoa Clare, hold your ponies, that isn't even possible.

As I walked the halls, I was thinking who that sexy dickhead was cheating on me with. Maybe it was Imogen? The other day I saw her put Eli's hand on her tits, I knew she was a whore. I wanted to kill that bitch for stealing my Jakey Booboo. As I got on the bus, I was thinking about the beat down I was gonna give this Imogen whore.

I decided to go over to Jake's house to see if he was still acting weird and distant. As soon as I got off the bus I ran to the Martin's house without even letting my mom know. I rang the doorbell and answered the door. "Good afternoon Clare, Jake is up in his room if you wanna go see him," He said. I nodded and ran up the stairs. He had a pretty nice house for the most part, but I was really excited to see his room. I was only a few feet away from his door when I heard Jake moaning from his room. I could feel the smoke come out of my ears. Jake is such a fuckhead, why the hell would he do this to me? Can he not handle just one vagina?

I turned the doorknob and walked into his room. I gasped as I looked around his room. His walls were covered in fried chicken paintings and photos, but really shocked me was the gigantic golden shrine of a chicken leg in the middle of his room labled "Donkadooballz". What the fuck kind of shitty name was that? His bed covers had the pattern of roasted chickens on them. As I inched my head closer to the bed I saw something that would scar me for the rest of my life...


	2. Thrusting

I was scared, afraid, creeped out, HE WAS THRUSTING A PIECE OF FRIED CHICKEN AND MOANING.

I ran out the room screaming, terrified. Why was he, the guy I fell in love with today having sex with chicken? I was totally right when I thought of that terrible thought of him thrusting fried chicken. I sat in a corner, scared.

Jake came out of the room and went looking for me. I was too afraid. I didn't want that crazy chicken obsessed lover following me. I yelled and told him to leave me alone.

He finally found me.

"Clare I can explain-"

"NO YOU CAN'T, YOU SCARE ME"

"Clare it's just that-"

"LEAVE ME ALONE"

"Me and chicken have a very strong bond…"

"I don't care Jake, you're a freak"

He slowly walks away looking back at me.

Is it wrong that I feel bad now? I guess calling him a 'freak' was kind of rude.. but who has sex with chicken? Jake obviously…

I decide to get up, I can't live in this house and ignore Jake…


	3. Jizz

Clare's POV

I ran down the stairs of Jake's house, hearing his echos telling me to come back. But I couldn't come back, I just couldn't. I was about to run out the door when Jake's dad stopped me.

"Clare what's wrong? Why are you running out so qucikly? Did Jake hurt you? Did he cheat on y-"

"KIND OF," I screamed.

"Do you know who this girl it is?"

"It's not exactly a girl,"

"MY SON IS GAY?"

"No, no, no, I'll let him explain to you, but I really got to go."

I answered and walked out the door. I ran home quickly and went up to my room and started sobbing. I was so confused, is it considered cheating if it's with chicken? My tears poured out into my pillow and I heard someone knock on the door.

"Clare, can I come in?" My mom asked.

"Yeah," I choked out

. She walked in my room and went over to my side and patted my back. "What's wrong?"

"Jake cheated on me..." I sobbed.

"Jake, I thought you were dating that one boy Eli?"

"No mom, I broke up with Eli, he already moved on, groping someone else's tits and everything."

"Oh, I'm sorry honey, so who did that dumbfuck Jake cheat on you with? Did you catch him?"

"Yes, I caught him... Having sex with chicken..."

My mom instantly got up and screamed "WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF FUCKTARD SHOVES HIS DICK INSIDE A CHICKEN?" "APPARENTLY JAKE, OH MY GOD, HE'S SUCH A DIPSHIT, DOES CHICKEN SERIOUSLY FEEL BETTER THAN ME?"

We both groaned in unison and sat back down on the bed.

Jake's POV I was in my room, pacing. I had really hurt Clare's feelings. After we had only been going out for a week, I cheated on her. But not with just anyone, or anything, for that matter. I cheated on her with a piece of fried chicken. And damn, it was good. My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a knock on my bedroom door. I turned around and opened it. It was my Dad. My eyes widened.

"Hey, Dad… what's up?"

"What's up?" My Dad asked me in a sarcastic tone, folding his arms.

"Your little girlfriend told me you cheated on her!"

"Oh no," I shrieked. My skin turned pale.

"She told you about how I fucked a piece of fried chicken?"

"No she-" My Dad stopped himself and narrowed his eyes at me. He raised an eyebrow.

"Did you just say you fucked a piece of fried chicken?"

"Yes," I sighed as I plopped myself onto my bed. "I can't help it, Dad. I didn't mean to hurt Clare," I paused. "I was fucking tempted."

"Oh God," My Dad said, smacking his hand onto his forehead. "I had a feeling this would happen."

"You had a feeling what would happen?"

"That you'd develop the chicken fetish. It's from my side of the family. It skips generations," My Dad said, sighing.

"Cool," I said, grinning. "So does that mean it's okay for me to fuck a piece of chicken?"

"NO THAT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S OKAY, YOU FUCKFACED DIPSHIT!" My Dad yelled, his face turning red.

"DON'T YELL AT ME!" I barked back. "I CAN'T HELP MYSELF, DAD! IT'S INFATUATION!"

"…I'm getting too old for this," My Dad said as he walked out the door.

Forget my Dad. He just didn't understand my undying love for fried chicken. Suddenly I heard a muffled tone from underneath my blanket. I uncovered it to see my piece of fried chicken I had just fucked. Suddenly I heard the voice again but more clearer.

"Hey Jake," It said. I shook my head violently and said to myself,

"I am going in insane, it's a piece of fried chicken, it can't talk!" "Oh yes I can, now baby come closer."

I hesitantly leaned into the piece of chicken.

"JAKE MARTIN YOU ARE A FUCKING CUM SLUT WHORE BITCH DICK SHIT ASS FINGER PONY DICK WHO EATS DOG SHIT FROM YOUR MOTHER ASS YOU TITTY ASS WHORE" it screamed.

"What the hell did I do?" I yelled, tears streaming down my face.

"YOU GAVE ME AIDS YOU DICKFACE."

"What? How? I don't have fucking aids!" I choked out.

"FROM YOUR DAMN BONY DICK. STOP PUTTING THAT SHIT IN ME AND GET REAL YOU FUCKTARD." I kept crying but he just continued. "NOW I HAVE JIZZ ALL OVER THANKS TO YOUR DIPSHIT SELF." "I thought you loved me chicken..."

"MY NAME ISN'T CHICKEN IT'S DONKADOOBALLZ"

"Okay, Donkadooballz, I think it's time you die, " I said grabbing the piece of fried chicken and bringing it up to my mouth.

"If you eat me, I will piss in your mouth."

I shrieked and quickly threw the chicken on the ground. I went to my window and dangled the piece of fried chicken outside it. "Any last words?" I said.

"Yeah, you have a bony dick."

And with that I threw the chicken out the window and into the dumpster. That was the last of Dokadooballz I will ever see... At least...that's what I thought.


	4. Clurrs Ponies

**Jake's POV**

I woke up on Saturday and sighed with relief. I was so happy that soggy ass piece of crispy fried chicken who I apparently "gave AIDS" to was out of my life for good. I laughed hysterically as I remember that it said I gave AIDS to it. Why the hell would I have AIDS? I've only slept with a few hundred girls. I hate to admit it, but when I made love to Donkadooballz, it was the best sex I have ever had. Like, legit. I had decided that I should go to Clare's house to explain what had occurred between Donkadooballz and I, no matter how weird it would be... I had to do it.

It was now 3 PM and I walked over to Clare's house. I rang the doorbell and Helen Edwards answered the door. She looked at me up and down, giving me a dirty look immediately afterward.

She scowled, "Why in bloody hell are you here you monkey-ass sick fuck?" She asked.

"I need to talk to Clare, if you don't mind," I replied.

Clare must have told her about my little rendezvous with Donkadooballz. Damn it.

"I'm sorry but I don't think Clare wants to talk to a dipshit who sticks his dick in fried chicken for fun." She said, folding her arms.

I put my hand on my chest and gasped. For fun? FOR FUN? I furrowed my eyebrows, my lips turning into a frown. "That was not for fun!" I defended myself, "That was the most arousing moment of my life!"

Helen looked at me, her eyes wide. "…You sick fuck! I don't want you near my daughter!"

I clapped my my hands together shook them, "Please let me, I really have to talk to Clare."

She sighed. She was quiet for a moment, so I assumed she was thinking. She finally gave in. She nodded, "Okay, she's upstairs. Try not to fuck the couch on your way up."

I raised my eyebrows and looked at her. "Just talk to her shitface." And this dumb bitch goes to church every Sunday? I nodded in response. I brushed passed her mother and entered the house, running up the steps. I knocked on Clare's bedroom door, and she opened it not too long afterward.

"Hey Clare..." I said, putting my hands in my jean pockets.

"Oh hey chicken fucker," She spat angrily.

"Clare please, let me explain." I pleaded. She raised her eyebrow at me, and she finally gave in.

"Fine, come in," Her hand motioned for me to join her inside. "So," she paused, "I'm surprised to see your dick chicken free."

"Clare-

"Do you know how terrifying it was to walk inside my boyfriend's room and find out he has fucking chicken leg wallpaper and blankets? I was scarred for life. But the worst part was when I saw you on your bed, thrusting with something that wasn't even a girl, thrusting with a fucking fried chicken leg! You're a sick fucker Jake! You're a sick fucker!" I yelled at him.

"You're right I am sick-"

"A sick fucker," She interrupted.

"Yeah, whatever. But please, it wasn't all my fault- "

"What? Did the fucking chicken leg throw itself around your dick and rape you?"

"Clare!" I yelled, "Would you please stop interrupting me?"

"Fine," She replied.

"Okay, so it's not all my fault. I have a chicken fetish, my dad told me it runs in the family."

"And this so called chicken fetish makes you extremely horny to the point where you have to fuck a piece of chicken?"

"Yeah, I guess so." he said, "So there you have it, my side of the story. I can one hundred percent tell you honestly I wouldn't be doing it if it wasn't for this chicken fetish I was cursed with."

"Okay..." she breathed. "I believe you."

"So does this mean you'll give me a second chance?" I asked hopeful.

"Yes, it does-"

"YES!" I yelled.

"IF" she started.

"If?"

"If you tell me how the fuck you thrusted with a chicken leg. I mean, I saw the whole thing but I didn't quite understand."

"I don't think you wanna hear the process..." He said shyly .

"Tell me." she ordered.

"Okay, okay" I said, giving up. "Here's the process." I began. "So I take the chicken leg, right? And I peel off some of the skin, you know, to get inside."

"...Oooookay," Clare said. She raised an eyebrow. "And then what?"

"I take the top layer of meat, thus revealing the bones inside. I carefully remove the bones, one by one."

"...What the fuck?" Clare asked incredously.

"Let me finish!" I exclaimed.

"Calm your dick Jake," Clare said, rolling her eyes.

"My dick is never calm" I winked and Clare's blue eyes widened. "Anyways, once the bones are removed I carefully insert my eight inch dick into the chicken leg. And then I thrust hard, like I'm riding a fucking pony." I felt my dick rise up as I thought of the amazing sex I had with Donkadooballz.

"That's-" Clare began until her eyes shifted to the buldge in my jeans.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?"

"What?" I asked quizzically.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT YOU FUCKFACE!" Clare said as she pointed out my buldge. "Why the hell do you have a boner?" I thought about Donkadooballz again. Even though I supposedly gave her AIDs, which meant we could have sex again, the thought of sex with Donkadooballz aroused me. I moaned unzipped my pants and pulled down my boxer briefs. Stroking my dick simultaneously.

"WHAT THE HELL JAKE?" I paused. Confused, I looked at her.

"Are you mad or something? Do you want to feel?"

"NO YOU FUCKING DICKWEED CUM-GUZZLING CUNT. YOU HAVE A FUCKING BONER BECAUSE YOU WERE THINKING ABOUT YOUR FUGLY-ASS PIECE OF FRIED CHICKEN WEREN'T YOU?"

"No, no Clare! Not at all!"

"I must be ugly as fuck if you think a piece of lumpy-ass chicken is more attractive than me!"

"No! Please believe me! You know about my fetish! I can't help it!"

I sighed, "You're right, I'm sorry for yelling at you," I said.

"It's okay," I replied as I pulled my boxers and pants up.

"So... Do you want to stay at my house for dinner tonight?" I asked.

"Sure...what are we having?" "Ch-wait nevermind, maybe you shouldn't come over..." She replied awkwardly.

"Clare, it's okay if we're having chicken, I'm done with the chicken sex, alright?"

"Okay..." She said calmly.

"It might be extremely awkward having dinner with your mom considering she think I am a sick fucker, but I'll deal with it just for you." I said happily.

"You're too sweet," She said as she leaned in and kissed me on the lips lightly. Later that night Jake and I had just got done with our sexy time when my mom called us down for dinner.

"Clare! Dipshit- I mean Jake, dinner's ready!"

"Okay!" We yelled in unison and ran down the stairs together.

Great, we're having chicken again. Is my mom trying to torture me? She knows the last time we had chicken… Jake fucked it up, literally… but since we made up, I can kind of trust him. We sat down, I kept staring at Jake. He was eating the chicken wing like crazy, like he hasn't eaten in weeks. I wanted to swipe it away but I didn't. Now Clurr, hold your ponies, let him enjoy his fried chicken, I'm sure he's just hungry cause his bitchass of a dad never feeds him, then again, at the same time still, I wanted to rip his clothes off and ride him like a horse.

"Miss Edwards, can I have some more?"

"Yes, take as much as you want"

"NO, MOM DON'T LET HIM"

They both were silent after I said that, so I just continued eating.

"So Jake, how is school?"

"It's great, I've made alot of friends"

"Nice"

They kept blabbing about how school is, it annoyed me…

I wish Jake would go home and fuck his chicken.

"I'm done eating Miss Edwards"

My mom picked up the plate and signaled me to come wash some dishes. I didn't want to leave Jake alone… I got up and went in the kitchen.

**(Jakes POV) **

The chicken looks so good.. I mean it's not like anybody is going to eat it.. maybe I should take it.

I snatch it from the table secretly and go to the bathroom. Clare's mother stops me..

"Where are you going Jake?"

"I got to go take a shit or my ass will explode"

"Um, okay…"

She goes back in the kitchen and I run to the bathroom.

"Oh sweet chicken, I knew we'd be together forever"

I put my dick inside a chicken and thrust, after a couple minutes, I hear someone knocking on the door.

"Jake please answer! Are you okay?"

I start jizzing, and when I start to jizz, I start to scream. I start screaming really loud, and I can't help it.

**(Clares POV) **

I hear screaming, and I rush to open the door. I walk in and see Jake jizzing into chicken.

"OH MY GOD"

"IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE CLARE!"


	5. AIDS

**(Clares POV)**

Oh my god. What did I walk into to?

I run out the bathroom terrified.

"Clare wait stop!" Jake yells.

He tries to chase me out with his pants down but falls.

"JAKE LEAVE ME ALONE YOU SICK CUNTFLAP" I yell back.

I run to my mother in the kitchen and hug her.

"What was all the yelling about?"

"MOM HE WAS "

"CLARE CALM DOWN"

"Sorry…"

"Now please explain to me SLOWLY"

"I walked in to… Jake… jizzing into a piece of chicken"

My mom's face froze.

She took a deep breath and screamed

"THAT BONY DICK PLAID WEARING FUCKFACE WAS FUCKING A PIECE OF FRIED CHICKEN AGAIN?"

"Yes!" I screamed through tears. I ran to my room and continued crying as I heard my mom yell at Jake in the bathroom and I looked through the crack in the door.

"YOU," she pointed at Jake, "YOU, GET YOUR PONY DICK OUT OF THAT PIECE OF CHICKEN AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU CUM GUZZLING DICK, CHEATIN' ON MY BEAUTIFUL BUT SLIGHTLY CHUBBY DAUGHTER, I WILL BEATCHER ASS AND EAT YOUR CHICKEN DAMN RIGHT I WILL"

Jake quickly removed the now soggy jizz filled piece of fried chicken from his eight inch dick and scampered out the door. I looked at my mom and sighed in relief. I don't ever wanna see Jake Martin again.

**( Jake's POV)**

I can't believe that just happened. Why did I have to fuck the chicken leg at her house? I could have just waited until I got home, but it was hard. I mean, the chicken just looked so fucking sexy, I got hard from just thinking about putting my dick in there. Maybe it wasn't me... Maybe it's Clare. Maybe she's not the right one.

**The next day at school~**

I was at my locker when Clare was walking by.

"Clare!" I yelled her name but she just kept walking. I was standing at my locker for a few minutes until my eyes landed on Eli. I smiled and he gave me a weird look. He kept staring at me and I smiled awkwardly. I began to look into his eyes and noticed how sexy he was.

He scratched his balls and I immediately got hard. I knew, right there, that I was in love with Elijah Goldsworthy. Clare had avoided me all day, and I finally got home. Since I caught Eli staring at me, I couldn't stop thinking about him. His face, his smile, his dick. I had to confront him about my crush on him. I remember him living a few streets down from Clare and went to his house.

I knocked on his door and some old fart answered.

"Hello." He said.

"Hey, um, I was wondering if Eli was here?"

"Yeah, are you his friend?"

"Kind of, but I really need to talk to him."

"He's in his if you want to go see him pretty boy." I nodded and ran up the stairs and into Eli's room. I turned the doorknob and saw him sitting on his bed reading a comic book labeled "Gothic Tales". Eli looked up and put his hand on his heart.

"Holy shit, you scared the jizz out of me. Ever heard of knocking dipshit?" Eli snapped at me.

"Sorry dude, I just really need to talk to you."

"And why would I want to talk to you? The guy fucking my ex-girlfriend?" He spat.

"Dude, I thought you were over that. Besides, Clare said she saw you doing something in the hallway with Imogen. Aren't you dating her?"

"Fuck no. All she did was grab my hand and made me squeeze her squishy tits."

"...Alright then," Jake said awkwardly. There was an awkward silence for about two minutes until Eli spoke up.

"So, what do you need to tell me?" He asked.

"Well... I noticed you staring at me in the hallway earlier, and I noticed how extremely attractive you were, and you're so sweet, and I just really want to fuck you so b-"

"DUDE!" Eli said as he hit my arm.

"What?"

"You had some gunk in your teeth fatass, that's why I was staring at you dumbshit."

"Ohhhh..." "

YEAH," He said loudly.

"Well, I still think your sexy," I said as I traced a line up his shirt. "And since I'm no longer with Clare, I was thinking maybe we could have some sexy time," I said seductively.

"J-Jake, I'm not g-gay," he stuttered.

"Oh come on babycakes, you know you want to," I said as I tickled underneath Eli's chin.

"Maybe, just this once," Eli said cooly.

"Now that's the spirit," I said as I reached for Eli's belt buckle.

I started to take off his pants while kissing his neck.

I took off his underware and started sucking his dick, and while I was doing that.. I thought of chicken.

**1 month later~ **

I was really happy this past month. I made the football team at school and was getting good grades. Although Eli and I were planning to only do it once, we ended up sucking each others dicks 10 times after school everyday.

Eli and I were talking when I saw Clare charging towards me.

"JAKE FUCKING MARTIN. YOU HAVE SOME SPLAININ2DOO YOU FUCKING WHORE."

I stared at Eli for a minute and then back to Clare.

"What did I do?" Soon a huge crowd gathered around us, and I just looked around embarrassed.

"YOU GAVE ME AIDS YOU DIPSHIT."

"WHAT" Everyone said in unison.

"OH MY GOD,"

Eli said, "IF YOU GAVE CLARE AIDS, THAT MEANS I HAVE AIDS."

"AND IF ELI HAS AIDS THEN I HAVE AIDS." Imogen screamed.

"AND IF IMOGEN HAS AIDS THEN I HAVE AIDS." Fitz said.

"AND IF I HAVE AIDS THAT MEANS I GAVE MY BIBLE AIDS." he paused for a minute to think, "AND IF MY BIBLE HAS AIDS THAT MEANS MRS. EDWARDS HAS AIDS."

"AND IF MY MOM HAS AIDS," Clare started, "THAT MEANS SHE GAVE JAKE'S DAD'S AIDS."

"AND IF MY DAD HAS AIDS THAT MEANS HE GAVE ME AIDS, BUT I ALREADY HAVE THEM. SO THAT MEANS I HAVE DOUBLE AIDS."

"WHERE WAS I WHEN YOU GUYS WERE ALL FUCKING EACH OTHER?" Eli screamed.

All of a sudden I started panicing.

The room, was spinning and I didn't know what was going on. Everyone got quiet and I started crying.

"WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE. SERIOUSLY WHERE AM I. WHAT THE FUCK IS AIR. I CAN'T BREATHE. SOMEONE HELP ME. WHAT IS THIS SHITT." Then everything went black.


	6. Imogens chicken fetish

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**Jake's POV**

My eyes fluttered open and I looked around my room and gripped my roasted chicken theme sheets. I looked up at my dad who was sitting at the edge of my bed.

"Dad?"

"Good, you're awake,"

"Yeah... I'm awake." I scratched my head, "What happened?"

"You passed out at school fatass. Apparently you gave everyone AIDs you dickhead."

"FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME, I DON'T HAVE AIDS YOU DIPTHONG."

"ACCORDING TO CLARE'S TEST, YOU GAVE THAT GIRL AIDS SHITFACE."

"I don't even know how I got the fucking AIDs,"

"Maybe all those girls you slept with had them ya know,"

"BUT I ONLY SLEPT WITH 352 GIRLS."

"DEAR LORD," My dad said as he slapped his hand against his head.

"Dicks can do amazing things to people's lives."

"...So, do I have to go back to school tomorrow? I don't want to face all those people."

"Well son, you see the principals are concerned that you are creating an epedempic and don't want you around the campus in fear you might spread disease."

"Wh-what does that mean?"

"It basically means you're too much of a cum guzzling manwhore to return to school."

"...What were their exact words?"

"They're exact words were..."Your son is too much of a cum guzzling manwhore to return to school""

"FUCKING HELL. FUCKING SHIT. FUCK MY MY GOD THOSE CUNTBAGS, THEY CANNOT EXPELL ME FOR WHAT HAPPENS WITH MY BONY DICK IN MY BEDROOM, WHETHER IT BEING GOING INTO GIRLS, CHICKEN, GUYS, WHATEVER, ITS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS, AND BESIDES, THEY TOLD ME THEY WERE ON THE FUCKING PILL, IT WASNT MY FAULT."

"Calm your penis son," My dad said, putting a hand on my shoulder.

"My balls are calm dad."

"Alright. Well, the good news is that you have had good grades and it is close to the end of the year so you won't have to repeat the 11th grade. But Jake, you are grounded until the end of the school year."

"WHY YOU DICKHEAD?"

"Oh I don't know, maybe it's the fact that YOU GAVE CLURR EDWARDS AIDS AND IT WENT AROUND SCHOOL AND EVERYONE IS GONNA DIE THANKS TO YOU FUCKTARD."

"IT WASN'T ON PURPOSE. IF ELI DIDN'T HAVE SEX WITH IMOGEN, AND IF IMOGEN DIDN'T HAVE SEX WITH FITZ, AND IF FITZ DIDN'T HAVE SEX WITH HIS BIBLE AND IF HIS BIBLE DIDN'T FUCK WITH AND IF YOU AND DIDN'T HAVE YOUR SEXY TIME NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE EVER HAPPENED. IT'S NOT MY FAULT PEOPLE CAN'T CALM THEIR VAGINAS AND DICKS YOU FATASS. OPEN YOUR CRUSTY OLD EYES AND SEE THAT NONE OF THIS FUCKING WAS MY FAULT YOU OLD FART NUGGET." I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"Watch your language Jake,"

I groaned loudly and punched the wall. My dad rolled his eyes and stepped out of my room. Why did this have to happen to me?

**The next day~ **

Although I wasn't allowed to see any of my friends, I was allowed out of the house for a while, my dad wasn't home anyways. I went for an afternoon walk and damn didn't I look sexy. I went to my mailbox and saw Imogen from school there.

"Oh hey Jake Demonfucker,"

"My name's Jake Martin, Martin."

"Okay, Jake Demonfucker Martin," she addressed me and grabbed her mail.

"Wait, can't you come over right now?"

"You seriously want me to come over?"

"Please, I have no friends left, and need someone to hang out with please."

"Okay, let's go dickhead,"

"Kay, you lead the way,"

"That's what I'm doing, cuntflap"

"Good,"

We walked into the house and she explored around.

"Where's your room, Demonfucker?"

"Its over down the hall on the left, but don't go in… I got to take care of some stuff,"

She automatically runs into my room.

"WAIT, IMOGEN DON'T"

It was too late, she was in there.

"What the fuck?"

"Imogen, it's.."

She saw my collection of chicken wings, on my wall, on my bed, everywhere.

"Oh my god… "

"Imogen I-"

"This is beautiful…"

"Wait, what?"

She went over and started touching the walls, then she looked at me.

"Jake, I also have a chicken fetish"

"But I-"

"Don't take them down. They're beautiful"

She grabbed some chicken and started eating it. I was a bit scared.

"I have a collection at home too Jake, we have the best sex"

"The best sex?"

"Yeah"

She pulled a chickenbone out of her pocket.

"This" she showed me.

I was surprised… I didn't know what to think of this, but it made me extremely horny.

"Maybe we could fuck chicken together?" Imogen asked.

"Uh well…"

She started to rip off my shirt and rub the chicken against my abs. And after a couple minutes, we are already fucking chicken, just when we both are about having orgasm, I hear somebody come in…


	7. Clares carrot in Imogens vagina

(**PLEASE READ**)

Sorry for not updating sooner for you jicken fangirls.

**Also, SINCE YOU DUMBASSES ARE TOO STUPID TO LOOK AT THE FUCKING PROFILE FOLLOWER OUR TUMBLRS:**

**Mine: youhaveprettyeyes-fionacoyne**

**Aleeshas: thisisnewyorkhollyjbitch**

Thank you for reading

**(Glen's POV)**

I had just got home from grocery shopping. I closed the door and immediately heard moaning from upstairs in Jake's room. I rolled my eyes and hurried up the stairs. I pounded on the door.

"Jake, open up you horny bastard!" I screamed.

There was no answer though, so I just decided to barge in. That's when I saw it. Jake and a girl. Both moaning. Both fucking. But they weren't fucking each other. But were riding pieces of crispy fried chicken like there was no tomorrow.

"DEAR GOD" I screamed as I ran to the door.

I tried opening my eyes but all I saw blackness. Dear God, am I blind? The sight of my son and some girl getting intimate with fried chicken has permanently blinded me. I tried walking down the stairs but couldn't see worth shit. My foot landed on the very edge of the step and I tumbled down the stairs head first. When I reached the floor everything went black.

**(Jake's POV)**

Me and Imogen start jizzing, while I start screaming because when I orgasm, I scream.

After we calmed down, I finally stopped screaming.

"Imogen that was great"

"I know… hey where's my chicken bone?"

"You don't think its stuck in…" Imogen gets up trying to find the chicken bone.

"Oh my god Jake, I think its in my vagina"

We suddenly hear a loud bang. Imogen and I run out half naked.

"Dad?" I yell.

Me and Imogen run down stairs to see my dad, on the floor, dead.

"OH MY GOD JAKE, IS HE DEAD?"

"I think…"

"WHAT DO WE DO? WE CAN'T GO TO THE HOSPITAL AND SAY HE GONE BLIND BECAUSE HE SAW HIS JIZZING ON CHICKEN"

"I say.. we hide his dead body"

"Okay but first, I need help getting this chicken bone out of my vagina," Imogen complained.

She lays down and I start reaching in her vagina.

I reach in farther and finally grab a hold of something and pull it out.

"What the fuck? Is this a picture of Eli?"

"Uh.."

I throw it to the side and reach in again and finally get a chicken bone.

"MY VAGINA HURTS NOW JAKE"

"Who cares, we gotta hide the body."

She gets up and 2 more items fall out of her vagina.

"IS THAT CLARES PICTURE AND A PIECE OF CARROT? THE HELL?"

"Jake remember, hiding the body?"

"..I don't feel comfortable around you, but lets hide the body" "By the way, that carrot is perfectly cooked at the right temperature so if you-"

"EW."

"Right, time to hide the body."


	8. Bullfrog is sexy and he knows it

"Let's go," Imogen said as she grabbed my hand and took me out the door, "I have the perfect place to hide it."

We were half way to Imogen's house when I realized I left the dead body at my house,

"FUCK NUGGETS" I screamed.

"WHAT SHITBAG. YOU ALMOST GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK DIPSHIT"

"I FORGOT THE DEAD BODY AT MY HOUSE"

"UGH ARE YOU SERIOUS DICKFACE? I SWEAR YOUR BRAIN IS SMALLER THAN YOUR BONY AIDS INFESTED DICK."

We walk back to my house and grab the dead body but I have trouble carrying Bullfrog. "

HURRY UP ASSCRUMB" Imogen yells.

"I'M TRYING, BUT HE'S SO HEAVY"

"I thought you had strong physique"

"I DON'T HAVE STRONG PHYSIQUE CAN'T YOU SEE MY SCRAWNY ELBOWS ARE CRACKING UNDER ALL THIS WEIGHT?"

Imogen takes the body from my hands.

"FUCK JAKE, YOU'RE SUCH A WHIMP" she yells.

"WHY ARE YOU BITCHING ME OUT?"

"Because, YOU CAN'T LIFT UP A BODY"

She throws the body on top of her head and carries it like that for the rest of the way.

We finally get there after A MILLION FUCKING BLOCKS we enter Imogen's neighborhood.. I bump into and he sees the dead body.

"Cumslut-I mean Jake...What are you doing with that dead body?" says

. "...Well what are you doing with that face, huh?"

"Jake...Imogen..."

"...Uhhhh. I'LL LET YOU SUCK MY DICK IF YOU DON'T TELL ANYONE"

"Well.. alright..." After a bunch of dick sucking from and after he nearly had a heartattack because I got cum in his eye, me and Imogen continued to walk to into her house.

"NOW BE CAREFUL, JAKE, MY WHALE IS IN HERE"

"lolwut?" "My whale Noodle dipshit"

"...Who the hell has a whale in their house?"

"WHO THE HELL DOESN'T?" Imogen says patting it.

She takes the body and climbs on top of the whale in the fish tank.

"Don't slip slut," I call out

"I WASN'T PLANNING TO DICKHEAD"

Imogen tries to shove Bullfrog in Noodle's blowhole but it won't fit in

"UGH JAKE, ELI'S DAD IS TOO MUCH OF A FATASS TO FIT IN NOODLE GOT DAMN. WHAT HAS HE BEEN FUCKING EATING?"

"I DON'T KNOW BUT EVER SINCE I'VE BEEN HANGING OUT WITH DREW AND TYRONE MY DAD IS ALWAYS ASKING TYRONE TO GIVE HIM SOME FRIES BECAUSE HE ALWAYS HAS SOME IN HIS POCKETS"

"REMIND ME TO SLAP THE SHIT AT THAT MOTHERFUCKIN' FRY EATIN DICKFACE TYRONE."

I nodded and watched Imogen struggle trying to fit bullfatass in the whale.

"Why don't you just have noodle open up his mouth and shove cuntfl-Bullfrog in there"

"IT'S A FEMALE FOR ONE AS IN IT HAS A VAGINA"

"Whale's have vaginas? Where?"

Imogen rolled her eyes and slid down noodle's body.

"Open up baby," Imogen commaned.

Noodle opened up her mouth and Imogen shove Bullfrog in there.

Noodle swallowed and she smiled.

"WAIT" I yelled. "WHAT"

"WHAT HAPPENS WHEN NOODLE NEEDS TO TAKE A SHIT?"

"UMMM SHE TAKES A SHIT"

"UMM WHAT ALWAYS HAPPENS WHEN SHE SHITS, A TURD FALLS OUT OF HER ASS CUNTBAG"

"BUT WON'T MY DAD EVENTUALLY COME OUT OF HER ASS? LIKE HOW THE FUCK DO YOU GET THE SHIT OUT OF THE FISH TANK?"

"Oh I make my brother do it"

"That means your brother will find out about my dad though..."

"Oh, shit"

"I'll just let him suck my dick like Simpson did."

"Okay," Imogen agreed.

Imogen suddenly gets horny looking at Jakes plaid shirt and gets a chicken wing and faps with it while Jake gets out some more chicken and fucks himself.


End file.
